his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
