don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
