i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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