We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
