Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
