i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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