Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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