we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
