I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
