i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
