I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Randomize
