I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
