Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
