I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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