Me too!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
