If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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