Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We have so much sex to catch up on
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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