Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
