my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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