Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
