you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
