I bet he comes in French.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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