I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
