It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
