foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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