dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
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