she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
birth control should be required to get into college
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
