I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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