going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
