I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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