tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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