no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
