K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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