is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
