I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
