we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
