oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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