it wasn't lemon gatorade
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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