Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
