he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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