If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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