Only a mothe r could love this liver
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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