just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
