Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
