Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
