Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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