Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
