I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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