who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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