I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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