DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Let's paint friendship bongs
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
