My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
