the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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